The Veteran by A. Rivers
Author:A. Rivers [Rivers, A.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Two Roads Press Limited
SAGE
I drew back so I could see Kadeâs face. His dark eyes were awash with emotion, and I could tell he expected me to withdraw from him. He clearly held himself at least partially responsible for what had happened with Charlotte and for the ugliness of the aftermath. In a way, I understood much better now where his tendency to hold himself responsible for everything came from, and why heâd stepped in after we saw Getty outside that coffee shop what felt like weeks ago now. He didnât trust anyone else to do what needed to be done. His friend had let him down in the past, and then Kade hadnât reacted the way he thought he should have. This must be why he didnât consider himself worthy of me.
I considered my next words carefully. He was poised to push me away and I didnât want to give him any excuse to. âIt must have been difficult for you. You were only youngâyour friend tooâand I doubt either of you had any experience in dealing with that kind of thing.â
Kade grunted something that could have been agreement. âBut he still should have checked on her. Hell, I should have checked on her. I shouldnât have just given up any of the responsibility for making sure she was okay. I knew what my friend was like when he met a new girl, and I still let it happen.â
âHer death was tragic,â I said. âBut it wasnât your fault. She must have felt like she was backed into a corner. People make terrible mistakes when they think they have no way out.â
âI should have been there for her.â He sounded anguished. âI should have made her tell me what had happened.â
The years obviously hadnât healed this emotional wound. Instead, it had festered.
âYou couldnât force her to do that,â I replied. âYou did what you thought best at the time. Itâs easy to see what could have been done differently in hindsight, but when youâre neck-deep in a situation, nothing is quite so clear.â
âI knew she was unhappy.â
âAnd you asked about it, but she didnât want to talk,â I pointed out. âYou agreed to a buddy system with your friend. You did the best you could.â
His face twisted into an ugly sneer. âI offloaded responsibility to someone I should have known wouldnât be up to the job, and then I beat a guy until he was nearly unrecognizable. I donât think thatâs doing âmy best.ââ
I rested a hand over his heart. It was thudding hard and fast. âYouâre good in here.â
âHow do you know that?â His expression changed to something pleading, as if he actually wanted me to convince him of his own inherent decency. âI thought Iâd changed, but I didnât need to punch that guy who broke in here. Once Iâd subdued him, I should have stopped. But I didnât, because I havenât changed at all. Iâm violent, and maybe you should be scared of me. I donât trust anyoneânot even myselfâand you shouldnât either.
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